Everyone who reblogs this will get the title of a book to read based on their bio/posts.
Everyone. I mean it.
THIS IS THE BEST POST
I HAVE EVER SEEN
EVER
they really do mean everyone
I’m reblogging this on my bookstore’s page because I’m terribly curious what the suggestion will be then. READ ALL THE THINGS, perhaps.
I apologize for not being able to resist.
So I spent all this week desperately trying to find my art supplies to get even ONE project done, and striking out.
Here are some projects that are to crazy for even ME to do:
(Fabulous Jewelry from Found Objects)
Serial killer territory.
No.
Time for lockjaw!
Those aren’t handles, those are hindrances.
(Re-Creative: 50 Projects for Turning Found Items Into Contemporary Design)
Please come back next week, when I plan to have something really stupid done.
Also I am seriously running out of money, so please consider shopping at my etsy stores: I made this! and Tales Resold.
Oh, plus I am selling stuff on ebay. Thank you, and good night.
I likes the pretty pictures.
[This project came from the book 101 crafts for Under $10.]
I know this is way later than I usually post. That is because this project needs lots of time to dry. You can find out when I’m going to be late by following me on twitter (link should be above). Or you can just wait for your free entertainment like the rest of us.
However, I do sometimes post previews of projects on twitter.
What you need to make this thing:
Tear the cardboard into uneven pieces, none bigger than 2 inches by 3 inches. This is a lot of work, and I got hand cramps while I was doing it. I ripped way too much as well, which is why I suggested the smaller pieces instead of a whole box.
Not only did I get hand cramps, I managed to gouge at my right index finger with my left thumbnail TWICE. Because that’s how long it took me to figure out how not to do that.
I took a picture, but it’s too blurry to post.
Anyway, the torn paper goes into a bowl.
Run warm water into the bowl and left the cardboard soak.
This is a good time to grease your bread pan. Get some petroleum jelly on the paper towel and smear it along the bottom and sides, coating the inside of the pan with a thin layer of the grease.
Pick cardboard out of the bowl of water, wring it out with your hands, and put it on paper towels to dry some more. You will note that the water looks pretty gross. You’re gonna want to wash the bowl later.
The newspaper is to put the cardboard on while you spread decoupage medium on it. Pull apart the layers of wet cardboard and use one layer at a time.
Starting at the bottom of the pan and climbing the sides gradually, coat the pan with a layer of wet cardboard, glue-side up.
Once you have a full layer on there, you are gonna want to get up and wash off the skin-like layer of decoupage medium on your hands. This will take a while. Then coat the whole layer with more glue. This is what it looked like after the first layer:
While I was ripping the cardboard I was fiercely determined to use ALL the pieces I’d torn. By the time I finished the first layer I was seriously rethinking that.
Do two more layers just like that. They won’t take as long as the first one. This is what it looks like when you’re finally finished:
Now you’ll need to leave the pan alone for up to 24 hours while the cardboard dries. As it dries, it should pull away from the sides of the pan (more like SAG in my case) and be easy to remove.
You can store leftover wet cardboard in a plastic bag to keep it wet.
When the cardboard thing is out of the loaf pan and dry, wipe the petroleum jelly off with a paper towel. Well, try anyway. Next, add another layer or two on the outside of the “platter.” It is probably best to coat the whole thing with glue before you start sticking gluey cardboard to it.
I did not take this precaution, and it was hard as hell to get those wet little fuckers to stick to anything, probably because the petroleum jelly didn’t really come off.
Once you’re done putting on cardboard pieces, coat the whole thing in more glue. I put it upside down on the waxed paper to dry.
When the glue on the bottom was mostly clear I flipped it over and picked off some of the bigger glue boogers and let it dry the rest of the way.
For the handles you are supposed to knot three “lengths” of twine and braid it. The length is never specified, of course. I cut them as long as my one-foot ruler. You do one braid for each side.
Braiding is a pain in the ass, but fairly easy.
Glue each braid to a short end of the “platter” with the tacky glue to make handles.
Be sure to make sure the handles stuck well by picking the thing up by them. One side of one braid fell off when I did this.
When it’s finally dry, it will look like this:
Good lord. NOT worth it.
cost: twine cost a buck, box was free, decoupage medium wasn’t.. book says $1-5, so I’ll go with $4.00 US because I hate this thing
time: around 2 hours and 45 minutes, plus close to 48 hours drying time
injuries: hands cramped while tearing cardboard, scraped knuckle with own thumbnail TWICE
You can buy this ugly slumping thing here.
[This project is from Mixed Mania by Debbi Crane & Cheryl Prater.]
When I was a kid I was really into making paper dolls. This is probably because my grandmother was really into dressing ME up, so I thought I wanted to be a fashion designer.
All of this sort of went away when I discovered boys & hair bands anyway. I’m an adult now. Which is why this is a craft for this blog.
What you need to make these things:
You could copy or print the pattern directly onto cardstock. I wanted to change a few things because I am a picky motherfucker, so I did a pencil transfer from a printout.
I was putting her in pajamas, so I didn’t see the point of the slip or the high heels. These are not things commonly worn with pajamas.
That I know of.
I colored in the doll and inked her. I guess the nice thing is that you’re going to cut the doll out anyway, so it doesn’t matter so much if you accidentally give her an upper arm bulge.
And the front wedgie doesn’t really matter either, as it will be covered by the clothes.
Cut the doll out, like so:
To make the clothes, turn the doll upside down and trace the relevant parts onto the back of your paper or fabric.
I added cut-out cuffs to the shirt. If you are using shiny paper and plan to draw on details, it is probably best to wait until after you have glued the item on and the glue’s dry.
To avoid a gluey mess, I used the glue stick on the doll and then pressed the clothes on. There was still a bit of a mess, but not as much of one.
To make a base so your doll can stand up, glue her to another small piece of card stock and cut two slits in it. You can either stand this up with two separate slitted pieces, or fold a longer piece of cardstock in half, cut slits in it and use that.
Hmm. That could be a dude who really likes purple flowers.
I wasn’t really feeling it with the book version, so I drew my own. It did not turn out much better, really.
Except I REALLY like those pajamas.
Then I started wondering. Would you like a custom paper doll? You could send me five bucks (plus an extra buck for shipping outside the US) and a picture of you, tell me your favorite color, and I’d make a weak-assed paper doll replica of you wearing pajamas. Dudes too. No guarantee of quality. Let me know if this idea is viable.
cost: given the various materials, probably about $2 US each
time: around 2 1/2 hours
injuries: that idea is pretty dumb. Maybe I broke my brain.
You can buy the one in shiny pajamas here, and the one in monster pajamas here.
i know you love tote bags cat but how did you get through the handle?
Oh, that was about this.
.. Give me a break, the other one just woke me up.
I know, right? They’re so orange and cute you could shit.
<3 back atcha from them.
[This project came from BIG Book of $5.00 Gift Crafts.]
What you need to make this thing:
The first thing you need to do, I guess, is find some glasses with round lenses. Or, you know, almost round. As you can see, it’s not like the sunglasses I found were going to be used for anything else. Even at fifty cents they were kind of a rip-off.
You should probably plan the layout of buttons on your pin BEFORE you start using the wire cutters to cut the shanks (the loop for sewing under buttons without holes) off them. I did not do this. As a result, I now have five or six buttons lying around that are totally useless as buttons.
Be careful cutting the shanks off the buttons. Little suckers want to go flying everywhere. This is bad for your feet, and your pets’ feet. Especially if you have actual metal buttons, instead of plastic metallic buttons. I imagine that’s a drag.
Use the metal file to sand down the rough parts of the stubs you created. This is so you don’t cut your fingers open. A very important step!
When you start filing down the backs of the buttons you may notice that the decorative element on the front of the button is now loose. You can fix this with a little brush-on crazy glue if you’re careful.
This whole craft uses tacky glue instead of something stronger. I was skeptical. It works, BUT the buttons want to slide around on the lens until the glue dries.
So I stuck the first one on and went to do something else, and an hour later it was still mobile.
After a while you’ll get them all stuck on there, though, and inevitably one will fall off because you didn’t use enough glue or the glue was in the wrong spot. You should glue some metallic beads over the holes in any buttons you used that had holes.
Once the buttons and beads seem fairly stable, glue the pin to the other side (it’s best to use the concave part of the lens as the back).
This project actually takes several days, because it takes a very long time for tacky glue to dry on non-porous surfaces. I started this three days ago, and some of the glue still looks white.
And what do you get for all this waiting?
A tacky blob of buttons. Hot shit.
cost: about $5.00 US
time: around an hour and a half, plus about 72 hours dying time
injuries: poked myself a bit with sharp spots on the buttons, plus hand cramps while using the wire cutters
You can buy this shiny thing here.
[This project came from Eco Craft by Susan Wasinger.]
Most of the effort in making this project went in to finding the supplies. I’ll try to find a more complicated one for next week.
What you need to make this thing:
First you need to measure how tall the paper you are using to cover the can needs to be. This is why you need a ruler with numbers starting right at the edge.
Mine was 4 1/2 and 1/8”.
To measure how long the paper needs to be you can wrap a cloth or paper measuring tape around the can (paper measuring tapes come in those sewing kits you buy at dollar stores), or you can wrap the paper itself around the can, make a mark, then measure to the mark.
Once you have the paper cut, there are two ways to go. The way in the book is to smear the paper with glue and then wrap it around. This is what I did. You can also wrap the paper around the can and then attach it with a glue stick at the under-edges of the paper. Make sure the glue stick is strong, though.
It is kind of hard to get the paper to line up with the edges of the can. Don’t be too hasty, it is also hard to fix if you slop the glued paper on crooked. Mine only turned out a teeny bit crooked.
Okay, to make the lid you are supposed to use a cork coaster, a wood screw and a wine cork. I asked my dad if I could have a wood screw. He said, “How long?”
Book doesn’t say that.
Armed with a sort-of long wood screw, I set out to find a cork. I don’t have a wine cork, but I seem to recall having some smaller corks somewhere. Not that I know where they are. All I could find were some rubber stoppers left over from making baby head salt & pepper shakers.
So I ran the wood screw through the coaster and tried to screw the rubber thing on the other end. It was not co-operating.
After some colorful language, I gave up on screwing the thing and used a toothpick to smear some tube glue on the bottom of the rubber cork. With the obstacle removed, it looked fine.
Of course, there’s a hole in the coaster now.
None of this really matters, though, because after all of that the lid does not QUITE fit on top of the can. Instead of a lid, I have made it a jaunty hat.
cost: $1.59 US
time: about 20 minutes, plus around 2 hours drying time
injuries: back hurt while I was trying to find those corks
You can buy the can with a hat here.
[This project is from Go Crazy with Duct Tape by Patti Wallenfang. Hey Patti, great last name. I am serious. Any hope of marrying into your family?]
What you need to make this thing:
The first thing I wound up needing to do—before I even took the things you need photo—was wash cat yark off of the duct tape. There’s a shelf under the snake cage table with towels on it, see, and also the duct tape is kept there, and my cat who is a barf machine has taken to sleeping there.
Luckily it turns out duct tape’s legendary hardiness makes it really easy to clean your fucking cat’s hork off of it with a little warm water and scrubbing.
Cut a strip of duct tape longer than you need to go around your finger (just guess here). Put it adhesive-side down on your cutting mat and measure and cut a 3/4 inch strip. This is where the marker comes in handy—pencil don’t show up so well on duct tape.
Fold the 3/4 inch strip into thirds to make a short strap.
Sort of like that, but better.
Wrap the tape strap around your finger and figure out how much you need to make a loose ring. Err on the side of looseness here—you can fix it if it’s too loose, but if it’s too tight you’re going to have to start all over again. This is just common sense, not in the book.
Cut the excess pieces off and tape the ring together.
Next, cut out a “gem” from cardboard and cover it with tape. I got all “fancy” and came up with this:
Tape the gem to the ring part. The extra piece of tape you have from cutting a 3/4 inch strip of duct tape can be cut into short pieces to attach things with.
Wrap the “gem” with thin craft wire. The book says gold & copper, I had copper & bronze. I doubt it is going to matter all that much.
Cover the ends of the wire that might mess up your finger with more tape:
My ring was way too loose so I cut the strap in back and used more duct tape to fix the fit.
And there you have it: your very own ugly piece of shit ring that cost way too goddamn much to make, considering.
cost: $9.00 US, because craft wire
time: about 25 minutes, not counting duct tape scrubbing
injuries: none, but maybe next time
You can buy this LOVELY ring here.
