[This project came from the book 101 crafts for Under $10.]
I know this is way later than I usually post. That is because this project needs lots of time to dry. You can find out when I’m going to be late by following me on twitter (link should be above). Or you can just wait for your free entertainment like the rest of us.
However, I do sometimes post previews of projects on twitter.
What you need to make this thing:
- corrugated cardboard (like a box, or a couple of those sheets Amazon sends you all the time)
- a bowl
- warm water
- paper towels
- metal or glass loaf pan (I am guessing, but aluminum disposables are probably fine)
- petroleum jelly
- decoupage medium or tacky glue or watered down white glue
- waxed paper
- twine (book says “jute,” but I don’t have any and don’t know what that is)
- tacky glue
Tear the cardboard into uneven pieces, none bigger than 2 inches by 3 inches. This is a lot of work, and I got hand cramps while I was doing it. I ripped way too much as well, which is why I suggested the smaller pieces instead of a whole box.
Not only did I get hand cramps, I managed to gouge at my right index finger with my left thumbnail TWICE. Because that’s how long it took me to figure out how not to do that.
I took a picture, but it’s too blurry to post.
Anyway, the torn paper goes into a bowl.
Run warm water into the bowl and left the cardboard soak.
This is a good time to grease your bread pan. Get some petroleum jelly on the paper towel and smear it along the bottom and sides, coating the inside of the pan with a thin layer of the grease.
Pick cardboard out of the bowl of water, wring it out with your hands, and put it on paper towels to dry some more. You will note that the water looks pretty gross. You’re gonna want to wash the bowl later.
The newspaper is to put the cardboard on while you spread decoupage medium on it. Pull apart the layers of wet cardboard and use one layer at a time.
Starting at the bottom of the pan and climbing the sides gradually, coat the pan with a layer of wet cardboard, glue-side up.
Once you have a full layer on there, you are gonna want to get up and wash off the skin-like layer of decoupage medium on your hands. This will take a while. Then coat the whole layer with more glue. This is what it looked like after the first layer:
While I was ripping the cardboard I was fiercely determined to use ALL the pieces I’d torn. By the time I finished the first layer I was seriously rethinking that.
Do two more layers just like that. They won’t take as long as the first one. This is what it looks like when you’re finally finished:
Now you’ll need to leave the pan alone for up to 24 hours while the cardboard dries. As it dries, it should pull away from the sides of the pan (more like SAG in my case) and be easy to remove.
You can store leftover wet cardboard in a plastic bag to keep it wet.
When the cardboard thing is out of the loaf pan and dry, wipe the petroleum jelly off with a paper towel. Well, try anyway. Next, add another layer or two on the outside of the “platter.” It is probably best to coat the whole thing with glue before you start sticking gluey cardboard to it.
I did not take this precaution, and it was hard as hell to get those wet little fuckers to stick to anything, probably because the petroleum jelly didn’t really come off.
Once you’re done putting on cardboard pieces, coat the whole thing in more glue. I put it upside down on the waxed paper to dry.
When the glue on the bottom was mostly clear I flipped it over and picked off some of the bigger glue boogers and let it dry the rest of the way.
For the handles you are supposed to knot three “lengths” of twine and braid it. The length is never specified, of course. I cut them as long as my one-foot ruler. You do one braid for each side.
Braiding is a pain in the ass, but fairly easy.
Glue each braid to a short end of the “platter” with the tacky glue to make handles.
Be sure to make sure the handles stuck well by picking the thing up by them. One side of one braid fell off when I did this.
When it’s finally dry, it will look like this:
Good lord. NOT worth it.
cost: twine cost a buck, box was free, decoupage medium wasn’t.. book says $1-5, so I’ll go with $4.00 US because I hate this thing
time: around 2 hours and 45 minutes, plus close to 48 hours drying time
injuries: hands cramped while tearing cardboard, scraped knuckle with own thumbnail TWICE
You can buy this ugly slumping thing here.